Signed off work for three weeks. What the hell am I going to do with my life? Hoping the medication settles soon. Even now I still can’t seem to do anything right.
I distance myself from friends because I don’t even know how I feel anymore, but by doing that they feel I am ungrateful. When I couldn’t wish to show them more gratitude.
Each day is gradually becoming more difficult, more difficult to face the world, to be who I am, to smile.
Not in my wildest night terrors did I believe this would be the case.
I have to face work tomorrow night, a room full of men and just myself, it’s never bothered me before but it’s daunting. I’m afraid.
Doesn’t quite know how she is feeling. Numb? Inadequate? Mellow?
Tough day today, my Aunt’s 11 year anniversary of her death, the one person I was closest to in my family.
Surrounded by people but yet still feeling alone.
My girlfriend has been a massive support she really has. I couldn’t feel more looked after and loved if I asked.
My friends from within the woodwork have allowed themselves to be present once more in my time of need, words of wisdom and thoughtful kind words.
All these things show I’m truly not alone.
No strong suicidal thoughts or feelings of harming myself since Monday, which is massive progress.
I’m hoping these feelings of woe and fear pass soon, the next week is going to be extremely tough.
I’m hoping I can come out of this a stronger, better person.
I’m a fighter, and I’m ready for a war.
That’s really rather sweet.
I love the fact that it’s autumn and the weather is terrible. It gives me a reason to wear long sleeves and hide my terrible secret.
Now I can do it worse than before, twice as much.
I’m in such a terrible place, and there is only two people that could potentially make it better, one of them is the person whom has made me like this.
The other one I don’t even deserve in my life.
I know I ended this, I know it was my decision, but whether I like this or not, I am ever so slightly addicted to you.
I would follow you straight into hell for my fix.
You bring out the most of everything in me.
The worst. The best.
Most of all, you bring out this.
I don’t think I can do this anymore.
By “this” I mean life. I’m so so done.
Sitting in the train station and it would be so easy.
I keep hearing your words, but all I see is lies. It equates that you never loved me, I don’t think you ever cared. All those things you said about me, all those things you said to me. I second guess everything, because I cannot trust you.
We could have been everything.
The worst thing is you don’t even see what you have done wrong.
I can’t believe I hurt myself last night.
No one was there.
I am alone.